Dark Nights of the Soul

I'm reading through Dark Nights of the Soul by Thomas Moore (not to be confused with Dark Night of Soul by St. John of the Cross or with the man [Thomas More] who died staying true to his faith), so my next several posts will deal with quotes from the book. The book deals with the states of pain, fear, depression, disillusionment, despair and grief that every human being experiences at some point in their lives. So to begin with . . .

Religion, too, often avoids the dark by hiding behind platitudes and false assurances. Nothing is more irrelevant than feeble religious piousness in the face of stark, life-threatening darkness. Religion tends to sentimentalize the light and demonize the darkness. If you turn to spirituality to find only a positive and wholesome attitude, you are using spirituality to avoid life's dark beauty. Religion easily becomes a defense and avoidance. Of course, this is not the real purpose of religion, and the religious traditions of the world, full of beautifully stated wisdom, are your best source of guidance in the dark. But there is real religion and there is the empty shell of religion. Know the difference. Your life is at stake. (pg. 15)

Ever since I read Care of the Soul several years ago I have enjoyed books by Moore. This one is no exception. In this passage he is talking about something that falls close to my heart - religion used as a means of avoiding immersal into life. I have heard good Christians from many different denominations utter phrases like "it's God will," "God's in charge even if we don't like or don't understand what's happening," etc. Sometimes, upon hearing these phrases, I catch a glimpse of the river of uncertainty that underlies those words.

Is God really in charge? Does God have everyone's best interests in mind? Is there really a God? Was Jesus a real person? Can I trust what my minister/preacher/priest/church tells me?

Moore asserts that true religion will not make you shy away from asking those hard questions. Rather, it will support you in your quest for knowledge and truth, and it will help you even as you struggle in your own dark night, fumbling in the shadowy half-light of your still-being-born faith.

In The Princess Bride, Westley (posing as the Man in Black) says this to Princess Buttercup: Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something. (If you've never seen the Princess Bride, stop reading this, go rent it, and watch it. I'll wait. Hmm . . . I guess you could read it, too, but I've never read it . . . but I digress.)

Truer words have never been spoken. And I think our churches and synagogues and temples and mosques and psychotherapists do us a disservice when they attempt to sell us on a vision of humanity that can be totally pain-free, as if this were an option we could choose and strive for: perfect balance with nary a care in the world.

Real life hurts sometimes, and real spirituality and religion isn't there to lift us out of the transforming and beautiful pain of life - it is there to help us appreciate our moments of darkness and confusion, appreciate our link with other humans who are also stumbling about, soften our hearts and flood our hearts with compassion for our fellow sufferers, and make us people who can truly become compassionate, as God is compassionate with us.

Blessings & Peace,
Hugo

The Blessings of Imperfection

Ever since I can remember I've set off fireworks on the 4th of July (and on New Year's Eve), which, in my corner of the world, is against the law . . . has been since I was little (as far as I know and can remember).

When we moved into our home 4 years ago I continued the proud tradition my Father taught me of breaking the law twice a year and popping fireworks. I know it's illegal. :-) I know that, if caught, I'll be issued a citation and will have to pay money, which, for some odd reason, I don't always have an overabundance of. :-)

But I do it anyway. I do it, I think, partly to honor my Father who considered this minor infraction of the law necessary to our upbringing. I do it because it brings back wonderful memories of my siblings and I learning how to light a fuse and run like hell to make sure we weren't blown up or set on fire. I do it because I love the excitement that bubbles over in my son as we go buy fireworks, and I love the look in his eyes as he lights his own fuse or watches me light a fuse, anticipating the lights or sounds that will come forth. And I love it because five years ago was the last time I got to light fireworks with my Dad, and in this way I keep a tradition going, one which I thouroughly enjoy. :-)

However, this post takes a turn, because I'd like to meditate on something else for a bit.

I've been watching more TV in the last two months. My son and wife have a virtual monopoly on our television, so I had resigned myself to renting movies and watching them on this very computer monitor where I am typing. But I caught an episode of the show House, and I liked it. It's a drama about a doctor who is arrogant, womanizing, stubborn, egotistic, and brilliant. Each episode has him saving lives in spite of his flaws.

I've been watching Monk, a series about a private detective who is obsessive-compulsive, and yet who manages to solve crime after crime by bringing his unique condition to bear on the mystery at hand.

Boston Legal is the show that started me back on watching TV. All-too-human (read: flawed) lawyers deal with their profession, their lives, and the lives of their clients as we watch good lawyers and bad lawyers help guilty and innocent people avoid or receive penalties for crimes.

And finally I've been watching The 4400, something more along the lines of what I traditionally like to watch (sci-fi / fantasy /horror), but which also showcases the way not-so-perfect humans can make mistakes in thought, word and deed.

And I think I like those shows because they remind me that, even as imperfect as I am - prone to laziness and selfishness - I can still be myself. I don't have to be a saint, or a paragon of virtue, or a shining example of light and love . . . I can be myself, with all of my strengths and weaknesses, my vices and my virtues, my light and my darkness, my yin and my yang.

I don't have to be perfect.

At 11:00 pm last night a police officer pulled over in front of my house last night as were popping fireworks. Some friends and their families were over with us, and we were all in the front yard. I walked over to talk to the police officer, and he very cordially reminded me that there while there were many, many people playing with fireworks, it was still against city ordinances to do so. He did not issue me a citation, but told me that if he drove past my house again and we were still setting off fireworks he would have to give me a citation. He explained that it was late and that many people had to work tomorrow, so he asked us to please stop. I let him know that I knew we were not supposed to be doing it, and he gave me a knowing smile and let me know that he was the only officer on duty who was checking our whole area for offenders. He wished me a Happy 4th and a good night, and then he drove off.

We stopped breaking the law (it was pretty late), but I couldn't help feeling that, in some way, I had allowed myself to become a deeper, more soulfull person. There was no shame in my actions, no self-righteous indignation that I was singled out, and no shades of guilt at what my family, friends, neighbors or co-workers may or may not have thought. I fully accepted the consequences of my actions.

I think that, in some small way, I grew up a bit more last night. And I pray that, as I continue to grow, I remember that no one in this world will ever be perfect. That is kept for a world yet to come, a world in which I know my Dad and my Father are waiting for me.

Blessings & Peace,
Hugo

My Creed

This is a creed I composed for the class I'm teaching on Doctrine - it's modeled on the Nicene-Constantinople creed recited at every Catholic Mass (and many non-Catholic Christian churches). The students are given time, at the end of my course, to reflect on what they've learned and what they believe. They write down their creed, and then we pray them together to finish up the class. This is mine.

I believe in God our Creator
in his undying and steadfast love
in her ready forgiveness and abounding generosity
in the goodness of a creation shaped and molded by his hands
in the vigilance and protection she has for us

I believe in Yeshua ben Joseph, the Christ of God, the sacrament of God
I believe we can look to him as the center of our Church
As the model for our faith
As the bearer of God’s Good News
As the bridge between heaven and earth
I believe in the brotherhood and sisterhood of all humanity
One in Christ Jesus
Brothers and sisters all
I believe in the goodness and the holiness of all humanity
Symbolized in Mary our mother and Joseph her husband
I believe in the sanctity and holiness of the family
Heaven’s presence here on earth

I believe in the power and ever-presentness of the Great, Sacred and Holy Spirit
God’s own life breathed into us at the moment of our conception and creation
I believe in the animating and transforming power of this Spirit
And in the gentle ways she leads us closer to our Creator and Father, Yahweh

I believe in the inherent goodness of each and every person
I believe that grace – God’s own life – is a at the heart of our Church and faith
I believe in the sacramental reality of our faith and of our lives

I believe God speaks and works through us
I believe that we are still very much connected to our loved ones that have passed away
I believe that God’s work on this earth is greater they any of us

I believe because it is akin to breathing . . .
Without my faith, I would surely die.

Blessings & Peace,

Hugo

Happy Two-Year Anniversary

I just noticed that I've been on Blogger for two years this month! :-) I've had stretches of lots of posts and stretches of no posts . . . hopefully I'll keep this stretch going well! Da Vinci thoughts coming up soon!

Blessings & Peace,
Hugo

School's Out for Summer!

Today was the last day of school for staff at OLSS (students finished on Friday). I'm still working the next three weeks, but it's administrative stuff (paperwork and moving to a new office) next week, and Diocesan Religion Teacher Certification Courses the next two weeks (I'm teaching on the Creed one week, Social Justice and Church History the next).

On my agenda for the summer:

• playing with my son (he puts up with a lot of down time having two teachers for parents!)
• painting (the dining room, maybe the library or the kitchen as well)
• yard work (I've let my yard go - this is the summer I take it back!)
• exercise (I lost the habit of daily morning exercise - I hoping a summer of doing it every morning will make it a life-long habit)
• prayer (I feel like I need to reconnect - will make it a point to do it daily in the morning as well)
• reading (lots of books to catch up on/finish/start!)
• playing with my wife (just use your imagination!) :-)

I will also have time to blog once again - I think my first blog (tomorrow or later on tonight) will be Da Vinci code stuff - I did a presentation to the staff two weeks ago - I'll post some of my thoughts here, too!

Blessings & Peace,
Hugo